
It is not easy to love unconditionally. Especially yourself. We do love ourselves (a little), but we also just hate SO many things about ourselves.
When we notice ourselves, we see so many flaws. We don’t like the way we look, “couldn’t I be slimmer?” “If only my nose was not this way…” “I wish my hair was not so curly...” “I wish I had better skin…” And that’s just looks. Then we begin to notice our pockets and bank accounts -and dislike how we were never able to achieve whatever we had set out to achieve. We compare ourselves to others and we are simply never good enough- they are so much more successful, they are more accomplished, more sophisticated, more intelligent, more charismatic, more hardworking… There is no full stop to this list, right?
We’ll always come short. Of course, we fail to see that even the said “others” we compare ourselves to walk around with their own feelings of worthlessness. So really, where does this end?
We can see the toxic pattern here. We can see how we have imposed this burden of “not good enough” on our own selves with this relentless comparison.
If at some point we learn to appreciate what we do have at the moment,
if learn to accept whatever stage our life is at,
if we become okay about whatever we have done and achieved,
we may be able to resolve this issue.
The American spiritual teacher, Ramdass had said,
“When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.
The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”

Judgment. That’s what leads us to compare and find ourselves wanting. We are fine. Really we are. Okay so we may have made mistakes, so what? We’ll learn from those mistakes and improve- of we can, accept if we can’t. That’s it.
Yes, we may not have riches or fame. So what? That does not make our life any less of a life. Just like the crooked trees, there were a lot of situations that contributed to us being where we are right now. So what if we may not be anywhere close to the ideal height, weight, or “type” we want to be? We are not any less humans for being this way, just as trees are not any less trees for being crooked.
But not loving ourselves because we are caught up in comparison...well that is just one part of the problem, just one side.
The other side is way more complicated, and it is a lot tougher to tackle. Because at the heart of this lies what we consider to be “good”. Wouldn’t it be totally selfish to cater to our needs? How could we love and accept ourselves the way we are, isn’t that conceit? How could we become comfortable with whatever we have achieved and be okay with failures, isn’t that laziness? No. No.No.No.No. A thousand times no.
No, it is not conceited to accept the amazing, authentic, wonderful you as the beautiful person you are, from a place of no judgment. Because this means that you are not finding yourself beautiful in comparison to others. You just find yourself beautiful. And it also does not mean that you only find yourself beautiful. You are able to see the same beauty in others too. It just means that you are now able to see yourself genuinely for who you are. A creation of nature, and everything in nature is beautiful.
It is not laziness to accept and be content with wherever you are in life. Because life always keeps giving us experiences to help us grow. Only if we can accept where we are will we be able to make sane, rational decisions needed to help us remain on the path of improving the quality of our lives. The drive for this self-improvement is not want or greed. It is the love for expansion, it is for love of new experiences- just the way the universe expands- naturally, organically. Without acceptance, we would be motivated by ego and a sense of lack that would make us act. With this acceptance, we are just motivated by love, love for ourselves, love for others. We are motivated to nurture and be nurtured. This becomes our guide when we need to act. No force, just a light-hearted expansion. Isn’t that better?
If we value ourselves, we aren’t putting anyone down. It just means that we have learnt to see the divine in ourselves- just as we see the divine in others. We deserve to show ourselves as much love, respect, and kindness as we show to anyone else.
There is a world of difference between selfishness and self-love. Selfishness seeks to divide, to glorify greed, and put the needs of ourselves above the needs of anyone else.
Whereas self-love seeks to unite, it seeks to see the miracle of creation and oneness in ourselves and every living creature. It sees good everywhere.

When seen from this point of view we will simply not be able to put others down-
We will not be able to accept anyone else putting us down either.
We will look at every creature of creation with respect, and we will bestow the same respect to ourselves too.
Self-love is about rising above what we would deem as essential to be considered worthy and claiming our real worth.
It is about becoming the true embodiment of the impartial, all-loving creation that we truly are. It is about accepting our rightful place in this vast and beautiful universe.

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